Sex Diary : My best and worst sexual moments

I had sex for the first time when I was 18. Since then, I’ve had various experiences and this post will reflect 9 years of active sex life, with the good, the bad and the ugly. Sex is, for me, a constant exploration, and sometimes bad things happen, but looking back at all these moments can be a good way to reflect on yourself and see what you’ve learned.

Best: My first vaginal orgasm

It was with my first ever real boyfriend back in the UK. I was just starting to have sex on a regular basis – I think I only had had sex two or three times before that – and it was pretty fun. However, orgasms came as they pleased and not as often as I wished.

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One day, we were fucking on the couch. I was on top, sitting on him. It was going good but nothing out of the ordinary. The only difference is that, with that position, he was way deeper than I was used to. The climax came as a big surprise. I wasn’t prepared at all and it felt like a sudden rush of adrenaline and joy. I had already had plenty of orgasms from my clit, but never from inside of me. I came quick and hard and I finally understood the potential of sex.

Worst: Being drunk

When I was studying at University and doing internships in Spain, I had a few one-night stands. They were usually induced by some heavy drinking – I’m a light drinker so a few beers and I’m puking in the gutter – and now that I’m looking back on it, they never truly left me satisfied.

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One time, I was just too drunk to feel any pleasure – no shots for me anymore! – or the guy wouldn’t be able to get it up or it was super quick. I think that back then, I felt pressured to have sex. If I didn’t, I was just a loser. I would tell me friends ‘I had sex with that guy!’, with a fake sense of confidence and kinda showing off, knowing deep down that I actually felt disappointed and also kind of dirty.

It’s not really about the concept of one-night-stands, it’s just that I was doing it for the wrong reasons.

Best and worst: Anal

The first time was awful because neither of us had done it before and we didn’t use any lube – I know, crazy, right? – so during the first seconds, the pain drove me crazy and I told my partner to get out of me or I would kill him. It makes me smile now, but I’m afraid I actually meant it, since the pain woke my deepest survival instinct.

More recently, what happened is that my partner and I were having ‘pussy sex’. I was on top and going quite enthusiastically at it until I accidentally went up and back down, in my ass, not my pussy! It was quick, deep and dry, all the ingredients to kill someone for a few minutes. Sex is not always easy in terms of logistics and accidents can happen. I immediately leaned back on my side, on the floor, and screamed in agony for a couple of very long minutes. By the end, the shock was so intense that I ended up laughing uncontrollably to release whatever was going on inside me.

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Now to the good moments. Berlin is a party city. I met up with friends, danced, and took a little pill – I’m an explorer, remember? Nothing too hardcore, but wow!, the sex was awesome, especially the anal sex. I had never enjoyed it quite like that night. It was like everything was awake in me and I could feel true pleasure in a place that had never ‘shined’ like that before. It’s not an encouragement to experiment with drugs, but a way to show that sometimes, simply by forgetting about our fears and worries, we can enjoy sex more deeply.

Best: Squirting

I have squirted once in my life. A few years back, I didn’t even know women could do this. Then, I thought only hardcore porn actresses could do it. But when I started working in porn, I realized that it was something way more common and that we all had the potential to reach female ejaculation. I didn’t really know how, though. I used to have a ‘master’ back in Barcelona, and that night, I was tied up, on my belly, and he was taking care of me – I’m a good slave, I deserve it. He played with his fingers and the rhythm got intense. He was clearly rubbing them on my G-Spot and I felt I was having an orgasm, but it was a different kind. It’s hard to explain but I reached something I had no idea existed. I felt something wet but I was miles away from thinking I had actually ejaculated, until my partner said: ‘You’re a little squirter, aren’t you?’. His words almost had more impact on me than the act. I felt happy and empowered.

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Within my best moments, I also include my first time on camera, the Berlin sex parties and my first threesome, but you may already know about these.

It’s funny to see how much my sex life has changed since I started exploring porn and myself on welovegoodsex.com. It’s ok to have bad experiences, because it teaches us what we like and seek. It helps us know each other better. Every problem is an opportunity! I realize that most of my bad sexual memories date from a long time ago, when I was young and stupid. Asking myself questions and reflecting on my past now helps me see how much I can do and how great the pleasure can be, when I know what I want.

What are your best and worst memories?