In the shoes of a feminist pornographer #1 – On Set

Deepest DarkestThis week has been tough. First, I dropped my phone into the toilet. It’s only after a second that I realized I hadn’t in fact taken a dump but that it was my phone, indeed, which was lying there, in the water. I wasn’t so alarmed at first, which doesn’t make sense, and it’s only after spending twenty minutes hair-drying the thing that I remembered it was an iPhone, so you can already guess the damn device hasn’t avoided its tragical death.

EDIT: The scene is now available here!

Still, I kept a smile on my face. I was about to shoot my new scene – yes, timing is a bitch, I know. So I was still happy. I cleaned up and waited for Jasko Fide, Lina Bembe and Mickey Mod.

My flatmate and I set up her room. That’s where we were shooting the scene – I know, my WG is awesome! I like to shoot in friends’ places, because it’s natural and I like the REAL mess. The one that shows who you are. My room was the backstage area. I put some food on the table. Cherry tomatoes, fresh cheese and bread, candy. I put some printed scripts around the room and prepared the contracts. I had previously checked the gear and the batteries were charging. I stuff some condoms in my Teddy Bear, on The Bed. They arrived. I kind of thought they would all be late, but modern dream porn makers are punctual. They were suddenly all here, throwing their jackets on my bed. They’d never met before and they were here to do a threesome scene. The first minutes are always a little bit awkward. But the atmosphere was smooth and I explained to them how we were going to play it.

A quick conversation with my partner and fellow camera Kilian Kay and suddenly I see two of the actors making out next to my bed. It’s gonna be good. Everything is a bit hectic. One flatmate is making a toasted cheese, another one is last-minute cleaning her mirror so that it would look clean in the scene, and I’m trying to be available to everybody. One question here, another there. The thought of smoking a joint and quitting porn to go live in a tiny house near the woods in Spain crossed my mind. No. It’s time to do what you claim to do. Time to be strong and trust my instinct. So, I dove into the night. I have to be focused. I’m also handling the camera tonight, so I have to be good.

We went to shoot the first scene downstairs, on the street. The idea was to shoot the three characters coming home together after a wild party. The actors got the gist right away. We didn’t have mobile lights so we had to play with what the environment gave us. The best lit area was right next to a little casino, so we got ready to do the test scene. Two curious guys stand at the casino entrance to check what was going on. Don’t worry, we’re not shooting the casino. – Oh no, it’s cool!

Kilian was filming that scene. He was a bit unsettled by the lack of good lighting. Maybe I should have rented some more gear, but fuck, it’s expensive. He told the actors to start walking forward without letting me say Action!, which irritated me, but I get it. Beginnings are often precipitated. Test scene is good. This time, we do it like pros. We waited until the kids, drunken guys, old man in a wheelchair get out of frame. Action!

Once more. Focus on the faces.

The scene is about a couple who go out and bring home a nice young woman they just met. It’s all about the intimacy between the characters and about the unsaid. When a threesome is in the air, everybody knows it but nobody actually says Would you like to have a threesome with us? There are looks, smiles, suspense, excitement. All of what can’t be conveyed by words.

We went back up there to shoot the main scene, where they come home, get cosy, and cosier.
We did a few close-up shots and a few very nice ones watching Lina wander on the chilly balcony though the window. Jasko was the one ruling the game. Her character takes the initiatives. She gives the green light to her boyfriend, who then starts kissing and undressing Lina. She’s the one who watches before she eventually joins the action.

The chemistry between the actors was exactly what I wanted. You can never really tell the kind of chemistry that two – or more – people will have together so I was happy to see this was going to be one hot scene.

Kilian and I are holding our cameras, while my wonderful flatmate is holding the Zoom (sound recorder). The camera was heavy. I wasn’t holding the camera myself on the last shoots, because I wanted to focus on directing, but it was such a great experience to shoot Crystal and Asia back in Switzerland for Deepest Darkest, that I wanted to go back to doing the camera myself. Less loss in translation.

I realized I also learned a lot when I wasn’t doing camera. I listened to the team when they adjusted their camera. I observed their angles, their ways. It gave me a lot more confidence than I thought. But my arms were not prepared to handle that weight. I was tired and Kilian was sweating. It was hot. So I put on my big girl shoulders and kept shooting. I was shooting with a Canon 5D and 50mm lense and I was constantly surprised by how warm and sensual it looked on my monitor screen. I can’t wait to start editing.

The bed had a wide, square, wooden bar all around it, on which we could step on and walk from side to side around the actors. One thing I learned though, smooth wood and woollen socks don’t match.
I felt myself slipping and suddenly time went in slow motion. Oh, I think I’m gonna fall. Yep, I’m falling. Feet are not on ground. Losing gravity. What do I do with the... That’s when the shoulder rig met my lower lip. Iron flavors my tongue. One second to put my hand in my mouth and check that my tooth was still there. Check. 8 seconds to stand back up on my feet. Reassuring the team. All good! The sex is still happily going on and I doubt the actors even witnessed my fall. Ni vu, ni connu. I even enjoyed tasting the blood in my mouth, it made me feel like a porn amazon fighting the pornowar, with scars and all.

One orgasm. Two. Three. My muscles are tense. My wrist is killing me and… I am very careful not slipping again.

It ended. I don’t really add scenes with scripted dialogue at the end of my scenes anymore. I find that it’s the best moment of them all. The moment that doesn’t lie. The moment that grasps the bliss. Nothing matters.

Cut!

We put the cameras down and sighed. The actors are still on the dopamine high. We give them some room to recover, have some water. We went backstage. My flatmate was ecstatically happy to be able to witness this, it was her first time. And then, we ate! Nobody eats much before the shoot but afterwards, we all need to heal. The actors are wandering around naked. I give them towels and guide them to the shower. One joint. More food. Money stuff. – Yeah, pay your actors! – Suddenly, everybody was putting their coats on and the room was empty again. I chose not to think about the fact that I needed to give the gear back to the shop in the morning, but I did manage to get my ass up to start unloading the memory cards. I can’t wait to edit the footage, but right now I need to find strength to go brush my teeth and go to bed. Hell, tonight, I sleep naked.

—
6 hours later
—

I wondered how I was able to get up at 8 a.m. to bring the gear back to the store in time. I packed the LED, the 5D, the zoom, the rigs and walked to the gear shop. It was raining. When I went home an hour later, I crashed. Spent the whole day on the couch. NO I AM NOT MOVING. Plus, I felt two bumps in my pussy and they were itchy! Is it an STD? Oh my God, I’m sure I have HPV, were the thoughts that accompanied me that day, only to realize, a few hours later, that I had, in fact, caught the chicken pox. To be honest, I was relieved it wasn’t an STD.

So, today, six days later, I am sitting at home, writing this article, looking like that, while Kilian is at the Movimiento Cinema for the screening of our scene at the PornFilmFestival Berlin. It’s alright. At least I got some time to recover. And get ready for the next adventure…

PS: Stay away from cute babies. It’s a trap.

PPS: Soon on luciemakesporn.com!