Sex diary : My first tantric massage

A couple of weeks ago, I met a guy at a party. Nothing extraordinary there, except we’re in Berlin and nothing is ordinary here. He said he had been doing tantra massages for years and offered to give me one… So, obviously, I ran to get my bag and gave him my card.

My first tantric massage

I really didn’t know what to expect. I was imagining it almost clinical, laying down on a doctor’s table while somebody is palpating my cunt. Or maybe it was an excuse to fuck me, where “come by and I’ll give you a tantric massage” is like “come up and I’ll show you my old camera collection”.

Oh boy, was I wrong.

I arrived at his place. He showed me around. There was a mattress on the floor. He told me I could start relaxing, breathing, closing my eyes…

Then, he hugged me. I wasn’t expecting this. He told me to look in his eyes, which was kinda scary for me – not so easy to connect with somebody since my last break up – but he was so caring and positive that I obliged. He was constantly saying relaxing words, giving advice on how to go deeper. He told me about the levels of trance, when you go deeper and deeper into relaxation, almost into meditative state.

All for me

So, he was hugging and caressing me. My reflex was to give something back. I asked: ‘Can I touch you, too?’ It took me a little while to fully understand and believe what he replied: “No, it’s all for you. Don’t worry about me or anything. This is just for you.”

I had never really had that before. I’m used to performing, to giving – as most women. And there was this guy I barely knew, who was ready to give me all I needed, without me having to feel selfish or preoccupied.

I was starting to get more and more relaxed. So relaxed, a few tears escaped. It’s always a little scary for me to get so… within myself. It feels like opening the big black box and I know there are some things in there that I’m still trying to cope with. So, I got a few dark ideas and cried a bit. But I hadn’t come all this way to throw this new experience away, so I continued. Besides, he was very understanding and said it was totally ok to cry, laugh, do whatever I felt I needed, so he was very understanding.

He got naked as well and laid me down on the warm mattress. He had a red light that was also warm, which made me feel so fucking cozy! He then gave me a full body massage for, like, two hours. Two hours!! All areas of the body need to be touched, he said. He had briefly caressed my cunt but that was it, so far. He was relaxing the rest of my body and my mind, first. Feet, arms, back, belly, face, even the jaw.

Good girl

There was a little bit of a BDSM dynamic there. He was clearly the dominant one, and I was submissive. He was very often saying how much of a good girl I was. In another context, I would have found this deeply irritating, but in this context, it was perfect. I was being a good girl, I was doing it right. It was good to here these words because I had to let go of all my worries: “am I doing this right? Can I get up and go pee? Is this or that ok?”. All of this disappeared. I felt completely free and in harmony. I even discovered my happy place. I saw myself sitting on the beach of Barcelona – I lived there for years -, it was at night, just before it gets completely dark, and I was completely alone.

Everything you think is allowed, he repeated.

Mind-blowing climax

My cunt was getting juicier and juicier. He later told me that it was making bubbles, so he knew it was time to get to the next level… He put a finger inside me and pressed the G-Spot. Obviously it made me feel like peeing a lot but I ignored it. He also pressed my clit and one point, outside, above the clit, where a nerve was apparently tense. The combination of these three points, oh my Goddess… I came in, like, two minutes. I didn’t even have to try!

That’s the thing with orgasm. When I’m fucking with somebody, I usually have to hold on to this thin possibility of coming and concentrate as much as I can so I don’t lose my grasp. But this time, I didn’t even have to try. It just came. I just came, as naturally as I could.

Then the tantric massage part was over. And we started to have sex. I was still totally high on my climax. He fucked me slowly and deeply, and bam!, it happened again. I felt I was about to come, but I thought “Nah, that’s not gonna happen”. A couple of seconds later, I was having a wonderful vaginal orgasm.

Fuck! I hadn’t had one of these in a while. It was really surprising to me that I didn’t have to fight for it. So, to all the people who think that women are not as sexual as men, that it’s more difficult for them to come etc, this is BULLSHIT. When it’s done right, it’s easy as pie.

We continued fucking a bit but my cunt was like a swimming pool. I was so wet I couldn’t even feel his dick anymore. I sucked him a little bit and then he asked me:

“Do you want to see me come without ejaculating?”

Duh. Of course! And then he did. He had a massive orgasm but didn’t ejaculate. Thanks for the practise of tantra, he was able to recycle the energy within his body, which is super healthy, for both mind and body. That was fucking amazing.

A total of four insanely good hours. One snack break. Three orgasms. One unforgettable experience.

He thanked me for trusting him enough to do this. I could see he also enjoyed himself a lot. It shows giving can be as joyful as receiving.

Of course, he’s not a professional, he does this for personal reasons, so I don’t know what it would be like with another person, if you think of trying it out.

We love good sex…

The whole experience gave me faith in myself again. It showed me I was totally capable of having mind-blowing orgasms AND it really made me realise something important. It’s good to give, in sex, but I’m going to be much more open and verbal about what I want, because I know how awesome it can be and I won’t be accepting anything less than exceptional in the future.

Maybe I will have sex less often, but I choose quality over quantity. You?